Monday, January 17, 2011

I am FAT!

Ben with best man Greg and the best friend any one could ask for. It seems like yesterday Greg held Ben in his arms at 8lbs and all now Ben is taller and just as funny. My dearest Ben...the sweetest boy and funniest boy....he can do a Can Can like a pro and laugh at himself while doing it. My first born and the one that got my weight issues...sigh...Ben and I are the Clan of MacDonald..the Clan that had better be hiking those hills or we will be fat! I wish I could take away the pain of it but then I know being a fat teenager made me stronger. I value pretty much less than I value smart! Ben will see that too and will have really marvelous smart friends....though they may not get invited to the Friday night parties in college....YIPPY! I worked every Friday and I hope he does too...and had to wake up at 5am on a Saturday to open the restaurant or gas station...mwahahhahah....Work saved me from feeling bad about myself. It gave me a purpose and a pay cheque. It allowed a sense of self without family to validate it. It allowed a sense of self that I created. Being different is hard...being FAT in our culture is worse than a drug are looked upon as being lazy and stupid...when the truth is you are the opposite for the most part. Nobody cared that I got good grades or that I volunteered for the Lions Club bingo high school I was the Big girl that was FUN! I worked a lot but still had fun...but not one boy in my graduating class ever asked me out. The chubby side kick...the chubby funny girl. Looking back I had more fun than the pretty girl. No pressure to be pretty..and still got to be what I what I boy telling me to do this or that...I think it has influenced me immensely. For the most part high school was FUN!

And as I look in the mirror at my 40 year old face and my 4 boys later body I have no's ME! I don't have a pretty to aspire to...I don't have an image that is a relic of the past. My body is just that..a heart and mind and love are what the people that love me see. No doubt as to my worth as I know it's deeper than my crows feet.

I hope Ben has a great high school experience too...and not be too hard on himself for being different and "bigger". Life is too short! I hope he has the the same type of peer group that knew how to have fun...without making anyone feel less as a person. Grad 88 was a special kind of group. We kind of all mixed and mingled and had fun without creating drama. And 22 years later I am happily married with 4 boys and still have the big thing hubby is an ass

16/17 without retail therapy...not that I had a chance though..9 days with sick kids and Sam got really sick another week at least at home. Missing the mountain!

Big Mama Ass love to you all..XO


  1. You are wise beyond your years my friend! All of this is so very true for so many people and I am really enjoying reading your blog! Keep em coming!

    Love ya

  2. Yeah, I can relate to all of that for sure! So much pressure in high school and weight doesn't make it any easier unfortunately.

    Hope everyone is feeling better soon! I need to do a blog update later today too!