Saturday, April 30, 2011

Autism and the FIGHT

Temple Grandin and Angela D and Me 

This pic was taken 4 years ago...just before I was diagnosed with Kidney Disease. You can see that I was carrying an extra 25 pounds of water...yuck! I didn't know I was sick until I was diagnosed and put on meds. Lost a better part of the water retention and my blood pressure normalized. I feel pretty good now and don't look so puffy and tired.

The thing about Autism is...the kids look normal! In fact a lot of them are exceptionally attractive. To the outside world they are beautiful kids that have really bad behaviour. They don't look sick or challenged or cross eyed or cleft palates. They obviously don't have Downs Syndrome or missing limbs or cerebral palsy. For the most part you cannot look at a child with Autism and know right away that the child has developmental delays or challenges of any sort. There is no magic pill to fix diagnostic test to definitively pin point the cause or the severity. As a parent you are faced with a complex neurological delay that NO ONE can tell you HOW to FIX or WHY! And the whole world looks at your gorgeous child being an asshole and thinks you suck as a parent. Fun times!

Just met a Mom with a child recently diagnosed and the memory of that time came flooding back to me. The grief and sadness and YES denial! It's not a slap in the face it's cutting you to the core to hear your child is challenged. And they ALWAYS tell you to be prepared that they will NEVER speak, NEVER be toilet trained and NEVER seek affection. You sit there looking at these people swirling in a tornado of grief and confusion and doubt. Completely overwhelmed with the task at hand and have no where to turn to but a couple of pamphlets and a binder with numbers of professionals that ALL have a 6 month waiting lists or more. You don't understand the language they use or the terms at all. Sensory seeking? HFA? MR? DIR? PECS? RDI? PDD-NOS? Etc etc etc......

Your spouse shuts shut is EXACTLY like losing a loved one...You feel grief just like that...Men are usually in denial longer...and for years really. Mom has to step up to the plate and get help and learn all of it without the support of hubby...who thinks the diagnosis is BS and the child is just speech delayed...LOL!  9/10 that is the case. Have met hundreds in person and hundreds more online and we all have similar experiences. Hubby can't take it. The exceptions to this rule are few and the men that run with it right away are amazing in their support and knowledge.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Having spoken with many a parent this past week about what made the most difference in the success for your child we all agreed...US! That's right! The parents are the key to getting through. We DON'T give up! We fight like hell for the best supports in therapy and school. We fight like hell at home and DO NOT TREAT THEM LIKE BABIES! Treat them at their age level and expect these kids to behave as their age group. NO EXCUSES! Temple Grandin made a 90 minute presentation all those years ago. You know what she said? Why are parents NOT expecting their kids to have manners? She was raised in the 1950's...she was expected to have manners and behave even if she did not speak. She sat in Church and behaved. She went to school and behaved. Our kids have to behave as well. They are expected to conform to social standards in public. Picking your nose at the check out is not one is perfect and we have had our fair share of meltdowns from hell in public but we didn't give up! Let the little buggers break down and freak....the next time the time will be less and so on and so on....Remember having Ty in the sling, Sammy in the cart and Joe having a fit on the floor in a busy super market. I turned my back on Joe and played with Sam. Gave him ZERO attention but kept him safe. After 5 times he gave up...Mom won't give me the attention I seek. Joe may not have spoken but he was the GRANDEST manipulator of them ALL! People on the ASD spectrum are SMART! And they read people very well. If you are a sucker they got ya! And they will have you running in circles to make them happy. We parents figured that out and said NO WAY! We support each other and laugh at their efforts to control the environment. The weak get run over and the strong admire. So you better make sure your child has an EA or a BI that gets that....if you don't then your kid will NOT thrive...he/she will get what they want and stay stuck in that behavior forever. If you let that happen then it's your own dam fault. FIGHT like hell to bring them out and function well. Don't settle for a babysitter will ruin them in the end.

Thanks to my ASD parents for sharing with me and teaching me so much. I love you all!

Big Momma Love to you all! XO

Monday, April 25, 2011

BYE BYE Easter Bunny!

This is Alex. He is just over a year old and belongs to my cousin Chris and his girlfriend Julia. CUTIE PIE! Just love the red hair. His first Easter egg hunt and it was in my back yard. He just LOVED it! The older kids were helping him out and Joe made bunny ears and followed Alex around like he was the Easter bunny pointing out eggs. Seriously cute stuff.

Here is Joe getting ready to be the bunny.

Along with the backyard egg hunt we went down to the big community egg hunt. We arrived early to get our spots and waited for over 30 minutes for it to start. By the time it started the bigger more aggressive kids had budged in front of my kids and they all just looked at me and said "I don't want to do this anymore." HUH? It didn't look fun anymore. It looked like chaos and survival of the fittest and I can't blame them. My Dad is one of the people that organizes it every year and it just gets bigger with fewer volunteers. One volunteer was manning the french fries in the trailer for hours and suffered a minor stroke. (Happy to report he will be okay) Add that it is a free event and you get all sorts of people out looking to score big. Kind of NOT the point of the egg hunt. Supposed to be fun and for the kids but you always get the parents and kids that think for themselves and push and shove to get more eggs. Some walk away with a basket overflowing and some with nothing. It's a real show for sure. And one that we will no longer go to. One that my Dad is mortified has turned into a battle instead of fun for the kids.

See for yourself!


In keeping with my anti-consumerism quest I did not give the kids gifts Easter morning. We had the egg hunt the day before which was organized by my sister-in-law Nikki and my Aunt Val. I used to have the Easter Bunny come on Easter Sunday and the kids would wake up to baskets with chocolates, toys, clothes etc...But this year there was no bunny. And you know what? None of the them noticed except Ben! My oldest missed his basket but all the others didn't even expect a thing. Ben remembered I reminded him of our quest for the year. That I was not going to buy into yet another commercialized holiday. He looked all disappointed. So I reminded him that the day before we had an egg hunt which he got to set up and participate in. And that Mom had hired a photographer to capture family memories...much more important than garbage toys in a basket. He agreed. He said he had fun and it was okay.

So I asked around. What did you get your kids for Easter? Some said just some chocolate and an egg hunt. Some got more elaborate and gave their kids Ipods and expensive clothes. I get Christmas but Easter? Growing up my Mom always gave us chocolate and an outfit. It was months after Christmas and we generally needed new clothes for Spring. My kids don't have to wait. I go get them what they need at the time. And have a wonderful circle of friends giving me hand me downs. Woohoo! I feel guilty there was no bunny surprise Sunday morning? NO! Not at all. And am not going to ever do it again. Easter egg hunts are fun though. The plastic containers came from the Salvation army and will be reused next year. My Aunt put them in hot bleached water and they came out new again. I have them put away for now.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Easter is for family. Nothing proved that more to me than having Tammy take all those photos and the joy on my family's face to have those memories on film forever. Even Ben got it. Hoping to have family photos done every Easter. The heck with the Easter Bunny. Come on over and lets enjoy a home cooked meal and some face time. Of course there will be that is all I will buy. And it may be in cake

Here is a pic of my brother and Grandma and Dad and I. Money better spent by far!
I know there will some of you that think I've gone too far...How can she ban the Easter Bunny? LOL! Well, I did it and feel good about it. I had every intention of doing the baskets and had bought some stuff last week. Going to keep it in the closet and bring it out when a rainy day gets out of control...and we all know about

Still have to declare one more retail shop. Hubby went to get T-shirts at Jeans Warehouse and bought a pressure washer. So we are 104/115 days without retail therapy. It's getting harder though. Want to buy some clothes for me! Something spring like would be nice. Will look around a bit at the thrift stores.

Hope you had a fabulous Easter weekend. So nice to get 4 days together as a family.

Anti-Easter bunny Big Momma love to you all! XXOO

PS/ Read an article about the Seattle School District no longer calling Easter eggs by that and staff now have to refer to them as Spring Spheres...YEP! Spring Spheres! Say that really fast 10 times. LMAO!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Help! Which is the family pic to Print?

We had family photos done yesterday. Needless to say the above image is NOT my first was once again an exercise in humour and patience...especially for Tammy, our took 248 pics of all of us including extended family. My Grandma made it out for the first time after her hip surgery and we were all so grateful to have her there. She certainly enjoyed watching Ron and I try to manhandle these boys into a decent family pic. So here is how it progressed.....

First to goof off was Joe....he looked like he was going to blow his top. LOL!

Then it was Sam...he had just decided he was done with this and started walking away...LOL!

Then Ty thought he could just too........LOL!

 Then Ben got into the act..LOL!

Then Ron had to get silly too..LOL!

Needless to say by the end of the photo shoot I was sweating bullets..LOL! But we did manage to get 2 decent shots. So here are the 2 choices for the one to print out and put in the 8 by 10 frame.



I like the number 1 because Bella is in it and number 2 for the sun. Which would you choose?  And thanks for your opinion in advance.


Friday, April 22, 2011

I'm just so DAM TIRED!

Hubby came home the tale end of tax season and wouldn't you know it...I got my period! Needless to say I"M FUCKING EXHAUSTED! And to add to the whole thing I have 26 family members for dinner tomorrow....sweet serenity now! Will rally...always do. I'm so used to having this EXTRA reserve to be SUPER WOMAN.....but now have a double WHAM! We have all been there...those moments when you can pull it off but your body is saying NO! If I say PLEASE will you jump start a wee bit? And to top it off the two younger ones have been complete ASSHOLES! And of course missing Mom.

AHHHHHHH! Feel it off my chest! You are all kind of like my girl friends in a way..and my friends that are "boys". Sometimes when I sit down to write I am just venting...getting it out there...just saying it like it is..and just trying my best not to give in to my inner Whine. We all have that too...the inner Whine on your shoulder threatening to take you down and just walk away from all it.  Can't give in to that voice...can't give that voice the time of day.

Which brings in the principle of self love....sometimes you just have to give in...but just for a wee bit. No big drama or BIG meltdowns required...just let me cry my eyes out for a few hours and be good to go! Listen to tunes...have a bath with candles....write....hike...just stare at the sky...whatever you need to be whole again. TAKE IT! TAKE THE TIME!

I guarantee that if you take the time to melt down and give in to the whine in your own will feel a hell of a lot BETTER! But don't drag it out like it's day time TV...take the moments....nobody remembers the entire day...they always remember the moments.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

It's too quiet! What are they up too?

How funny is this pic? Sammy at age 20 months on the colony with his a Sponge Bob pajama Ron in the background manhandling Joe at age 4. Those were the days! LMAO!

Had a great conversation with a few Moms from Ty's kindergarten. I watched them approach with their double strollers and the toddler running ahead and I thought to myself..WOW! It was not so long ago that that was ME! I joked...So tired yet? they both just gave me that look like they were ready to run away and run far! LOL! BEEN THERE! DONE THAT! It's so busy and so many "accidents" and so many "redirections". I told them that it gets better...and they were like REALLY? LOL! It DOES! Those little monkeys grow up so fast and by 4 you can pretty much talk to them to the point that they get it...well....depends on the you can be assured for the most part that they understand NO and WHY...unless they have autism and those little monkeys just don't give a are all about them.

Which brings me to the point...if you have 3+ kids under 5 and it's quiet? Be afraid! Be very afraid! Quiet at that stage means that something was being flushed into the toilet...or my best serving spoons were in the dirt digging up "dinosaurs"...or the finger paint was used to paint a the ENTRY! Or the sharpies were used to paint the washer and dryer. SILENCE is golden..unless you have LITTLE people in your house!  Then it means TROUBLE! If you can't hear them then you had better investigate! One time I couldn't find Ben at age 18 months and he was at my neighbors NAKED jumping in the puddles and it was DECEMBER! COLD! LOL! What the hell was I doing? I think laundry but after that I got an alarm system with chimes on doors and windows.

I've actually gotten off easy even with the 4 boys...One friend had her son and a buddy spray the fire extinguisher all over the basement...and these same two emptied a Costco size lot of shaving cream all over the main bathroom in the house. She was nursing the new baby......OMG! LOL! We can laugh now but at the time you want to just SHRINK and DISAPPEAR! Tired and nerves frayed you look at that mess and think..What the hell was I thinking having kids? You DO! For all you new Moms or to be will have days you are completely MORTIFIED and just DONE with parenting. I will SAY IT OUT LOUD...parenting can really SUCK!

So I invite all you Moms to share your horror stories..those moments when you look at the floor and wish the deep dark hole will appear and swallow you moments when you tune out the looks from strangers and just want to get the hell out of the store! LOL!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Choice and Circumstance

Got a LOT of flack for yesterday's post on working women and stay at home women supporting each other. What about Single Moms? What about stay at home Dad's? What about the homeless?
What about taking the post for what it was....a call for we women to support each other with our choices. I obviously was too vague in my writing and for that I apologize. My circle is suburban housewives...and I DON'T apologize for that at all! I made the CHOICE to raise my family here for all that it offers the kids and us as a family. It does NOT, however, make me blind to women in emotional and financial peril. In fact it makes me want to help more. Especially for the children involved. They did not choose to be born.

We live in a modern, civilized country. It's NOT perfect and women are victims of crime daily but we do have choices that many women in the 3rd world WISH they had. For the most part we get to choose when and how and with whom we have children with. We have access to birth control, to health care and education. Women in the West need to stand up and OWN their choices! Because we HAVE THEM! Of course there are women that do not have choice in our society but that is a different discussion. I'm sure we can all come up with examples. I'm referring to the "average" woman in the West.

I have been sponsoring women over seas for a number of years now through a great organization called Women to Women International. They match you up with a woman from a poor country and you pay $27 a month to help her get access to health care, job skills and human rights training. And you can write letters to each other that is translated by volunteers. EYE OPENING to say the least. One lady from the Congo has 8 kids and can only spell her name. Lives in a hut and has to walk miles to fetch water. She was married by arrangement then abandoned by her husband when she was gang raped. In her culture it's the woman's fault if she is raped. It brings shame to the family so they kick her out of the village. She was lucky enough to be able to take her children as the husband was ill with HIV. My ladies in Afghanistan face similar hardships.

So when a woman complains to me about her life here I get a little annoyed. You made the choice to marry that guy or have kids with that guy. You made the choice to have kids young or wait and have them after you got an education or travelled. You made the choice to stay home and make one pay cheque stretch or have a daycare or sell products. You made the choice to work outside the home and try to balance it all. You made the choice to walk away and do it all on your own. Or you made the choice not to have kids at all! You get to decide! There are of course cases where there is an "accident"...had one myself...but we were not using birth control. A choice! Do we regret some of those choices? Hell YA! I stayed in an abusive relationship for 2 years...what an idiot I was!  I've been unkind, belligerent, and down right nasty at times. I've had days when my kids drove me NUTS and I raised my voice repeatedly. I've said things in the heat of the moment that should not have been said...just yesterday in Regret those choices for sure. We are human...we screw up!  

BUT! We don't decide everything. Shit happens....a marriage breaks up blindsiding a lose your have a child born with a developmental lose a parent....etc... You do however have a choice in how you deal with it. Go ahead and fall apart for a shoulders are here any time you need it. But do get back on your feet and put one foot in front of the other. Start all over again if need be. Women in the West can do that...we have access to shelters, counselling, education etc...most of what you may need is out there! The system is far from perfect..and wait lists are long for some. Took 10 MONTHS to get Joe diagnosed. But we have the social safety net that allows us the choice to heal however we need or feel we need. Does it address all needs? NO! Does it need more funding? YES! But at least it's a start. It was after counselling that I realized a pattern of dating the wrong kind of men and why.  (another discussion I would love to have) It was after Joe was diagnosed with Autism that I realized my inner strength and trusted my instincts. And recently it was after the death of my mother that I realized that I need to take better care of myself. Hard to choose me over everything else but I'm learning...and mostly from the advice and support from other women! 

This is a blog....and therefore my opinion. I welcome comments and hope we can talk about this. Maybe you think I'm a hardened bitch...that's fine with me. Maybe I am! Strongly believe in social programs! Strongly believe in personal responsibility! But I do walk the walk with women's issues. Support a few women in Afghanistan and the Congo, make donations to Planned Parenthood and other agencies that support women and children in need, collect clothes for the homeless and the Women's shelter. Support my friends when they are down in any way I can. Have babysat, given rides, went to doctors appointments just to hold their hand. Go into Autism meetings with parents all the time. Go with Moms to meet the social workers and therapists. My couch has been a safe place for some. Listen when needed. Talk when needed.  And feel dam lucky I can do it too. There have been many a time in my life that putting that foot in front of the other was almost impossible....but I did it. And was grateful for the support of the people and especially WOMEN in my life at the time.

So ladies...let's just support each other. Life is hard! And Dad's? Well..that will be another post. But for the record I support your choices too. And when shit happens my shoulders to you too! shopping! Though I keep seeing the cutest capris and sandals on my friends. So tempting!!!!!!!

And this Blog has taught me something as well....I think I'm not too nice for politics! I can take it! And dish it! LOL!

Big Momma LOVE to you all! XO

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Choices! Grateful we have them!

Had a mom say to me "It must be nice not to work." WTF? My back went up immediately and I was so close to ripping a strip off of her when I realized that this was A: Counter productive and B: A symptom of how society creates hostility between working Moms and stay at home Moms. I like the above picture because the two moms are hand to hand! That is what should be happening between us. SUPPORT each other in our decisions. Life is HARD! Let's take off the boxing gloves and give each other a hand!

I worked full time and had the two oldest in daycare. My hubby worked in town at the time and I never saw him. Long hours for both of us with me doing the housework and the childcare after work. Remember doing laundry at midnight listening to him snore...grrrr....but in hubby's defence he was up and out at 5 am and home at 8pm. I was up at 6 30 am and home by 4 30pm. IT WAS NUTS! Weekends were spent doing overtime...for both of us at times..or yard work and chores. Family time? Occasionally but not enough. The stress was enormous! I had suffered two miscarriages in 8 months on top of it all. Our marriage was getting shaky, our kids were acting out and our health was suffering. At this time we looked at each other and realized we were on path to WHAT? Why are we working so much? I QUIT MY JOB! With no notice about burning your bridges...gulp! We just leaped into the ONE pay cheque family mode and made the best of it.

LOVED being at home with Ben and Joe....we went to parks and swimming and gymnastics. Cut back on our budget BIG TIME! Made all of our food from scratch, clothes were second hand and had one vehicle...and still do that now. Went to Mexico a few times with the bonus from work. Go to the Island or the Sunshine coast once a year..but it's all budgeted and planned. Living on ONE income with 6 people is a balancing act. We don't go to the movies often..maybe twice a year. We do not own a trailer or RV or boat or quads or any other such toys. My buddy Brian sources bikes and scooters for me at garage sales and I pay him a few bucks to fix them up. After tax season ends is when we replace a pool or trampoline or buy furniture. Some days I wish I was back at my old job and making the money I made so we could afford more. I wish I had catered lunches and the respect of my dream of my work wardrobe sometimes wish that I could escape from the unpredictability of parenting and command a board meeting with all paying attention to what I have to say...Maybe I can teach the kids to listen to me like business partners? HMM? LOL!

Most of my friends work outside the home. BUT they either work shorter hours, have grandparents looking after the kids, have shifts that get them home early or are two ships passing in the night with hubby. We all have to do what we have to do. One friend could never be an at home parent and she admits it without guilt. A professional and will always be that. Her kids are cared for by a nanny. She can afford vacations and private school and all the extras and GOOD FOR HER! Her kids are happy and have opportunities my kids will never have. It's her choice! My other friend works her fingers to the bone at Tim Hortons. Took years to get a regular shift and it's always early mornings. But she is home right after school and even on a limited income enjoys cooking with the 3 kids...going for walks. They are all creative with painting and music. No cable but the library has CDs for free. It's all in our OWN choices!

I resent the media pitting woman against woman. We all have to make sacrifices as all capacities. You miss baby's first word or you have to use clothe diapers...OR BOTH! I'm lucky to be home...and I KNOW IT! I feel a sense of community with my full time working Mom friends. Need a pick up after school? I'm there! Just as she invites my child over for a play date as she knows I'm having a bad day. Working Mom can't make a meeting at school or an assembly? Just call me and I will fill you in or video tape the event. Working Mom pays through the nose for taxes to support Autism programs and such. We work together despite what the media reports or tries to shove down our throats. Women need to support each other...ALWAYS! Got that dam Barney song in my head "I love love me...we're a happy family..."....LOL! But it's true! Women are a community amongst themselves and we excel at COMMUNICATING! It's AWESOME!

So media biased assholes...hit the road Jack..and don't come around here no more no more! I wish I had taken that Mom aside in a calm manner and asked her if I could help in any way...if maybe she felt she missed out on an assembly or field trip with her child...she was obviously feeling guilty she missed something with her child...and I get that all too well. Think I will invite her for tea and get to know her better. I bet we will find that we are not so different..and want the same things for our kids...and really are just trying to be the best Moms we can given our circumstances and choices. Hugs work wonders too.

Big Momma LOVE to you all...and HUGGLES too! XO

Friday, April 8, 2011

My Sense of Humour has fallen into the SHREDDER!

The smiley rainbow over my house this evening. I could barely see it from the squinty, pasty eye balls I have these days. It's TAX SEASON..queue music..BUM BUM bum baaaa! LOL! Have been an accountant truly love my job. I get to help families and businesses get the max refund and least tax paid. It makes me feel like I have a worthy that I can really make a difference sometimes. Had a new client this year that was diagnosed with a degenerative disease and was able to go back 7 years and get her a $30,000 refund! WOOHOO! Had another lady that got over $10,000. Have had some families with kids on the ASD spectrum and got them HUGE refunds too. It's just knowing where to put what number where...but it took years of working under self righteous sexist assholes to learn it. Did I say that out loud? LOL! To work in the financial industry is to work with some real "winners"

But I digress....a habit of it's tax time I spend a lot of time on the computer...a lot of time rubbing my chin and thinking...thinking...thinking...My chin looks like the craters on the moon from the break outs and the effect of Tax time! And I get these really red dry hair gets fuzzier...radiation from the screen? LOL! My nails grow though...all that paper protein rubs off. Kind of cool really...they get hard as rock! So I look like a scary witch this time of year...LOL! And I also get real quiet...have a hard time talking to others. It's me going into a mode...a zone! After school at the playground today I ran into so many moms and I felt like I was drooling and pulling on my tongue...LOL! I have NO sense of humour! The number laws have sucked me dry and I am a walking calculator! Don't ask me how I am doing...I start thinking of asking you if you deducted Jr's hockey fees..Don't comment to me about the weather..I start thinking if you claimed your house insurance for your business...CRAZY! LOL!

So bare with me all....I have 26 days left! 26 days of counting the breaks in the cross walk as we walk to the NOW!

Blind Big Momma Tax love to you all. XXOO

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Screw the Goody Bags!

Oh the GUILT! My baby's 6th Birthday party and I didn't do the GOODY BAGS! I went into the dollar store and looked around and read labels and thought...What the HELL am I thinking? Why give these kids a bag of poorly made toys...and made of who knows what? They had a GREAT time playing floor hockey, soccer, British bull dog, freeze tag, basketball and all other active fun games for 2 the guests received a free pass to the leisure centre and a helium balloon. Did the kids really need more? NO! Over that guilty feeling...and EXHAUSTED! LOL! Playing floor hockey with 7 little boys is challenging to say the least..and they are RUTHLESS! LOL!

But I do have to confess....gulp...I bought a tank top at Fields for $3..white and made in Bangladesh...I shrink as I type...but in my defence...well...there is was so cheap and I needed a non stained white tank....shrinking when we went on vacation to the Island I bought the 3 boys brave enough to go into the caves a T-shirt each. The profits went to the Horn Lake Cave society and I was just so dam proud of them. And when we went to Coombs Sam got a new hoodie..for the first time in his 7 years. He LOVED it so much and pleaded...and Ron and I just couldn't say no. A brand new hoodie is sometimes what a person needs...seriously...he was so happy and has been so careful with it. Who knew if Sam got a new piece of clothing he would actually take responsibility for its care? LOL! But Horn Lake and Coombs were on the same two equals one as I count in days....sneaky eh? And after a year winning a gift certificate to the Shu Butik I went in with my best friend LZ and got two new pairs of summer black and one yellow by Joseph beautiful and so comfortable! I will have those shoes for decades if I take care of them. Can't wait to get a pedicure and show them what woman doesn't like her shoes?

So we are 84/93 days without retail therapy. But we are close to May 1st...the day I always go out to get my new Summer wardrobe...the day AFTER tax season ends. Will try to resist...not looking at the fliers! Not looking at the catalogues...though I did go into Uncommon Threads and fall in love with a dressy tank...$96? Ya...NO way can I afford that and even if I could...that much money for a locally made tank top? Get REAL!

Anti-Goodie bag Big Momma love to you all...XXOO