Thursday, November 24, 2011

Went to the MALL! And on a serious note....

A sign at a kiosk in the mall. LOL! My friend Shannon and I howled with laughter. First time I have been to a mall in 2 years? Something like was fun! I was just going to look then saw La Senza and decided to replace a few worn out bras and yes...bought myself NEW pajamas. Taking the hit...I love them so and they will be wrapped for Xmas. Had to have the greasy Chinese food much for weight watchers! LOL! And am I ever tired! Who knew shopping was this exhausting. :)

And on the serious note....The consequences of bullying! One of my kids has been targeted by a group of girls! The administration is on it....and hoping for the best. I'm very sensitive to bullying as I was bullied as a kid...until age 10 when I kicked the snot out of a kid...tee hee. But it can have very serious consequences if left unchecked....suicide the worst of it.

I decided to consult with some professionals in the field and will share their information.

First I called my best I called a child psychologist. She gave me lots of information. So here it is:

The basic elements of bullying are:
  • Unequal power: One child has more power than the other child (or at least it seems that way to the children involved)
  • Hurtful actions: Physically or psychologically harmful behaviour takes place
  • Direct and indirect actions: The behaviour may be face-to-face or behind one's back
  • Repetitive behaviour: The hurtful actions keep happening so the child being hurt finds it more and more difficult to escape
Not only is it repetitive it ESCALATES! Parents need to go to the school, identify the culprits and get some intervention. This does not always work. In many cases the child has to change schools or is home schooled. Can you imagine the psychological trauma for these kids? It is even worse if a child exhibits any kind of homosexual tendency...the boy that likes pink can be targeted as young as 6! "Why can't a boy like pink and be straight?" I asked. He most likely is straight she explained. what triggers a bully? Their feelings of inadequacy. I know one of the kids bullying my son....she comes from a good family...or so I thought. Do you really know what happens behind closed doors? I'm hard pressed to believe these kids feel inadequate. I'm still not convinced.

So then I made a few phone calls. Talked to a special education teacher that shared with me the rate of suicide among bullied youth.  Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth aged 10-24, following motor vehicle collisions. 10? Are you kidding me? Around 2.5 to 3 per 100,000 from the ages 10 to 14 and up to 13 per 100,000 for 15 to 19 year olds. 42% of boys in grades 6 to 8 reported that they had bullied in the past two months. Bullied...not the victim. Huh? Cyberbullying is the most significant influence to the increase in youth suicide. That scares me. With the age of Facebook and Twitter and all these nasty sites that post anything without thought to the person involved...makes one want to move to the bush and cut wood for heat. Tongue in cheek but then how do we control it? How do we help those hurting?

After listening to the experts I have come to one conclusion...YOU as the parent are the one that can make the difference. Mirror compassion to your kids. If you see them getting out of hand on the playground...reprimand them! If you see any kids displaying bullying it to the school. My girlfriend said to me "The hell with reporting it. I'd take that little bugger by the ear and bring him home to his parents." LOL!

Which brings me to the adult version of bullying. I'm on the playground last week. It's just me and two other ladies and a bunch of kids. I go to move towards them to talk and they BACK AWAY! Granted I don't know them but I talk to everybody. I text my GF and faintly hear.."Don't talk to her...she hangs with that group that wife swaps." WHAT! I didn't react and kept mind reeling! There were further whispers...caught a few snippets! WOW! What a bunch of gossipy BULLSHIT! So NOT true! So it happens in adulthood too...and if I ever see them again I will confront them. How dare they make judgement on me about untruths about others? Maybe one of their girls is one of the bullies at school? Bullying by children is making more sense to me now.

So my score is 33 days of retail this year. It will climb with Xmas but am taking a trip to Toy Traders in Langley in the next few weeks. Used toys! Lots of them!

Big Momma Anti-bullying Love to you all XO

Kid friendly resource.

This link has an online support group.

How to stop Bullying.

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